Also, congrats to a bunch of my flisters for their wins! So much HD authors took the shiny banners! Yay! Also, on a silly note, I don't feel like *I* won, I feel like my dear pet story won. For me, that story is a separate entity and I feel like I should congratulate it. It was sent to me by aliens, obviously. Writing it, I fell in love with this ship (that's sounds awful and conceited, doesn't it?) and its acronym is OTP. Fate, clearly.

To celebrate, I think I should write another voyeurism fic. I had a plot bunny ages ago but I abandoned it because the theme was too similar to OTP, but whatever. There's no such thing as too much voyeurism!fic.

I wasn't around again, if you haven't noticed. Other than being work-busy I was also family-busy this week. My mom had a flu (not swine flu, that's so last month) and she needed some pampering. Dad, bless him, is no nurse, and sister has her kids to worry about so I spent all my free time at my parents' house. It was actually fun. Mom insisted I spend time with my their dog (Max) and that's no chore. Sweet thing, I miss him so much. Mom ordered, "Entertain him!" and I went outside and chased him around with a hose. He's terrified of water and if you say 'bathing" he'll try to attack. Of course, I say "bathing" every five minutes just to see him growl (or sometimes, he runs away and hides under my old desk).

Also, there's this neighbour, she's eighty-four. Ten years ago, she died, at least it seemed that way because she was in a hospital forever and then one day her daughter began giving away her clothes and selling her stuff (including the house), but then the old lady came back! From the dead! (Also, later, called the police to throw her daughter out of her house). She has this huge garden and works there every day, and when it's hot (like these days) she wears nothing but a swimsuit. Did I mention she's eighty-four? We asked her once, "Oh, are you hot?" and she said, "No, I just want to get some tan." I still hope she was being sarcastic, though it didn't sound like that. Anyway, she kept giving me THE EVIL EYE. Because chasing your dog with a hose is apparently strange. Says the dead old lady in a swimsuit!

*bristles*

Mom's better, but I plan to go and spend the rest of the weekend there. She'll probably need help with her own garden. Dad's no help there; he's all, "Garden? What garden? WE HAVE A GARDEN? WHERE?"

"Outside, Dad. You know that place with no TV?"

*shakes head*

I checked out the newer posts on my flist; I missed a lot, though.

My priorities:

1. Writing. Sorry, but it's true. Writing and sharing my fic is the reason I de-lurked. When I was just a reader I saw no reason to participate. I regret that now, but, oh well, ship sailed.

2. Replying to reviews/comments. Again, sorry, but this is really important to me. I'm aware that people aren't waiting for my replies to their reviews and they'd probably rather want me to reply to their posts instead, but I just have to say Thank you when someone praises something I wrote (or acknowledge the comment even if it doesn't contain praise, but someone just says, "WHOA! HOT MEN!" on one of my bday posts. I mean, I didn't make those men, but if someone takes the time to communicate with me in any way, my priority is to say something back. Here on LJ, I perceive commenting and reviewing as a form of conversation, and I love conversations. Especially if it's about porn.

3. Checking my flist for PERSONAL posts. If someone has a cold or an exam, I need to hug them or wish them good luck. As far as personal posts go, I only comment if I know the person, if we communicate often, because otherwise I don't feel comfortable reading about their personal life. And, of course, I don't know if they even want me to comment. Is this wrong? Isn’t it logical to conclude that if someone never or rarely comments on my journal they don't really want to talk to me? In a way, it feels like saying, "If you don't comment on my journal, I won't comment on yours," and that does sound wrong, but I just don’t want to push myself on people who have shown no interest in me except clicking the "Add friend button," or maybe leaving one or two reviews some three months ago. I'm forced to assume they lost interest in me, if they ever had it. (Note: I'm talking about personal posts here, not fics.) Also, sometimes, as far as personal posts are concerned, I just don't know what to say.

4. Checking my flist (journals only option) for fics. At this point, I'm looking for authors I know and trust. I am very picky, not about writing in general (though there's some of that) but about themes and characterizations. I don't read other pairings (no nextgen, crossgen, or Bill/Neville or Fleur/Tonks or Albus/Scorpius (I used to checked them out, but lately when I see the name "Scorpius" my eye starts twitching. I read a fic I shouldn't have. This is the result.) I'm just not interested in characters who aren't Harry, and I can pair him up with two people and two people alone), or angst, or WiPs, or fics with Snape, or fics that have unfavorable Ginny/Ron/Weasleys characterizations, or Epilogue compliant fics (AT ALL), or AU fics, or creature fics . . . Ahem. Sorry. Do you see my problem here? (I actually skip personal posts that mention Ginny or the Epilogue. A lesson I should have learned sooner. I think I already alienated some people with my opinions.) I will break these rules sometimes, for authors who I trust not to take these themes/plots/ideas in a direction I don't enjoy. But I have to know the author and her writing really well in order to try something with such themes. On the other hand, there are authors I love who I know would take this in a direction I don't enjoy. That doesn't mean I think their story isn't good, on the contrary — someone who writes well, writes well; a theme I don't like doesn't change that. But I can't read it and this is entirely my problem.

When I'm busy, this is where my fandom experience ends for the day.

5. Checking my flist for recs. I'm looking for recs by people whose taste coincides with mine. And whose recs I followed before and wasn't disappointed. And of course, I'm looking for Harry/Draco recs with themes I can read. I won't break my rules here.

6. Checking the comms for fic. At this point, I stop looking at names because if I read a bad one, I don't want to associate badness with that author's name. Because people's writing can improve with time and I don't want to judge them forever because of the fics they wrote before. I look at the summary, warnings, reviews (to make sure the author didn't fail to warn for something big). If I like what I see, I skim the fic and look for any mentions of Ginny or Ron; if I find none, I will read the fic. (I don't feel bad about this. I do not enjoy the portrayal of Weasleys in Harry/Draco fics (in general) I've seen too much nastiness thrown at them (long ago) JUST because they're redheaded and poor (or in Ginny's case, a pretty girl), it made me passionately defensive and I no longer care about the "good, reasonable reasons" to dislike them (i.e. your belief they were badly characterized) all these reasons just blended together after some time and I just don't want to upset myself. I don't wait to see how they're treated, I judge in advance because that's safer for everyone. I don't want to stumble on bashing* because then I'll remember the author's name and will dislike her forever. I know that disliking someone because they are mean to a FICTIONAL CHARACTER is silly, so this is my way of preventing such a thing occurring. If I know the author and like them, then, though I'll skip the story, it won't have any effect on my feelings towards them, but if I don't know the author, I'm afraid this would create a bias on my part. And that would simply be unfair of me. It has already happened with some authors, and I regret it.

As a result of 4 & 6, if you are on my flist but I don't really know you, I probably won't read your fic unless you post it on a comm. My logic is: If you don't think it's good enough to post around, then I'm inclined to believe you.

Also, there's an exception to 4, 5 & 6. If the author mentions that this is her first fic in this fandom, pairing, or ever. Or if she says she's really nervous and specifically asks for feedback and thoughts. Or generally just seems intimidated or concerned about her writing, then I'll skip the whole process described above and just read the fic.

7. Checking various comms for fandom/writing discussion (or a fic search where I could rec something).

8. Checking my whole flist again to see if I missed something. This happens when I'm bored and extremely lazy. I hit refresh and flail around like a crazy person for an hour before I realize what I'm doing.

9. Checking fest. Yes, they are last. I don't know, it's just too much fic all at once, all written by an anonymous entity, usually very long and often angsty. I just don't know where to start. I'll probably only read them when you post them on your journals/comms. I don't participate in fest and I see no reason to friend them because they clog my flist and then I have to go and look for them and I'm lazy . . . Holy run-on sentence, Batman!

10. Oh right. Sometimes I actually check out fics I've bookmarked about a year ago.

Convoluted, yes? Well, it's my process. I don't think this process is the wrong way to do it; it seems logical to read fics written by authors whose writing you're familiar with. And I do check out fics written by new authors all the time (or authors new to me. I'm likely to accuse an old popular author of being new because I, personally, never heard of them). If you follow my journal, you should have notice I'm likely to rec new authors, friends, popular authors and even old fics that everyone already read. If I liked it, I'll review and even rec, I don't care who wrote the fic. (Sometimes I feel like I'm spamming y'all, so I refrain from reccing too much, but maybe that's a mistake? I don't know. Honestly, I wish people would rec more in general.)

The questionable part that has me worried:

Disclaimer: Sometimes, I'm just busy and I have no time to read or review. A lot of times, actually. That said . . .

Note that I used words checking and reading up there, I didn't talk about my reviewing habits. Thing is, I noticed in recent discussions (and before) people saying things like, "Oh that and that person is awesome, she always encourages new authors," "I try to comment on everything I read," "I like to encourage my friends, but if I can't find anything positive to say about the fic, I don't review and pretend I'm busy," "I was encouraging new authors and left them positive feedback and tried to inject a bit of concrit into my review carefully," "I felt obligated to review and give my support." And so on and on and on.

So, now I'm worried I'm actually a mean picky bitch.

See, if I don't like a fic, I don't review. Ever. I don't care if you are a popular author, or a new one who needs encouragement or my friend. If I didn't like it, I won't say I did. I can't concentrate on the good parts (usually, there ARE good parts) because the parts I disliked ruined it for me. I just didn't enjoy the story. And I will not tell you differently. To me, that's . . . wrong? It feels like lying. Even if I praise just the good parts, I'm not technically lying, but I'm giving you the wrong impression. Are these considered white lies? A good thing? It feels patronizing.

My reviews are short and nonsensical, and I apologize for that, and sometimes I forget to say that I liked the fic, I just make a joke or quote a line and say I liked it. But if I reviewed, I did that because I liked the fic. The whole fic. Sure, if I had a minor quibble, I'll review anyway and I might mention the thing that bothered me. I might not. However, if I had a big problem with the fic (writing-wise, Harry's characterization-wise or just theme-wise) you will not be hearing from me. I don't give concrit (unless asked) and usually I have no concrit to give because the bit I didn't like, I didn't like because I have issues with certain things, not because you did something wrong.

I'm not commenting under these circumstances. I just can't do the "praise the good parts and ignore the parts I didn't like" thing.

Do you want me to do this? Do you want me to make you think I liked the whole fic when I didn't? This is an actual question, not a rhetorical one.

And this obligated thing. Please, for my part, I hope no one feels obligated to comment on my fics. If you didn't like it — it's okay. I don't really want concrit as far as writing style, characterizations or plot is concerned (however, if you want to correct my SPaG go ahead. All concrit is welcome as far as SPaG is concerned) so if you didn't like it — walk away. I won't hate you for it. If you didn't review my fic, I always assume that's because you didn't like it (unless you specifically mentioned you're busy and I really didn't see you around). By that logic, I'd have to hate two thirds of my flist. And I don't. If you want to comment on my journal just to talk to me (or because you're scared I'll decide you're now in the "people I don't know" group, or I'll stop liking or knowing you because you didn't like the last batch of my fics and we rarely communicate and you DO like me), comment on a post with no fic, or send me a message. Or engage me in a conversation in your own journal. But don't review if you don't actually like my story. I confess, I have a special love for my constant reviewers. I'm sorry, I can't help it. I get all mushy. But there's a big huge space between "special love" and "dislike".

Now I'll be all suspicious, and squint at every vague review and think, "But what does she really mean by that?"

I'll try to be clearer in my reviews and include "I liked it," in them because I don't want you to think that if I said, "I loved the last line," this means I liked JUST the last line and not the whole fic.

[enchanted_jae, I always make a silly joke in my reviews to your fics, but I love them ALL!]

I'm not judging people who want to encourage authors to write. I'm just telling you I can't do that because to me, personally, it seems dishonest. Yes, encouragement affects my writing process, it's just the way it is, but I don't really get why someone would want to encourage an author to write more things they don't really like.

So if "encouraging new authors" means "reading the fic even if it's written by someone you don't know," then I'm your girl (when I'm not busy) but if it means "reviewing a fic written by a new author even if I didn't really like it," then, no, I guess I'm not encouraging new authors.

In my world, people review stories they like regardless of who wrote it and how many reviews the fic has and they don't review stories they didn't like regardless of who wrote it and how many reviews the fic has. I'm being naïve, right?

*Side note (side rant?): Character-bashing is a bad, bad thing. It equals to bad characterization. Making a canon character, who is canonically portrayed as a good person and Harry had nothing but positive feelings for them, a villain is NOT character-bashing by default. It's only bashing (=badly written) if you did it for no good reason (i.e. advancing your plot) or if you just gave them a stereotypical characterization. Or if, in your desire to "fix" JKR's "partial" attitude towards characters she likes or dislikes, you did the exact same thing you're accusing her of — showed your personal preference too clearly to the point of contradicting every canon fact and declaring that the entire Gryffindor House has dubious moral principles and the entire Slytherin House is merely misunderstood and its members (which includes Death Eaters!) are the series' true underdog (justly losing a war, hardly makes you the underdog). It doesn't matter which set of characters you put on a pedestal, the moment you put one up there, you're doing it wrong. If you think JKR did something wrong, then don't spend time trying to fix those mistakes, but concentrate on telling your story. And make sure that your story has balance.

So please, stop using the term character-bashing lightly. If you are searching for a fic, don't ask, "I'd like to read some Ron and Hermione bashing fics," because that's like saying, "I want to read some fics with bad characterizations." And then people come and give you recs ("Oh, this fic has wonderfully bad characterization!") and really, at that point, the person searching and reccing and the author who was recced should all feel insulted. The phrase you're looking for is, "I want to read some fics where Ron and Hermione are villains/antagonists/not kind to Harry." Besides, trust me, it's a lot more satisfying to read and hate a character if s/he is a well-written antagonist rather than a stereotype.

On that note, when I skip a fic that contains unfavorable characterizations of Weasleys, I'm NOT accusing you of BASHING. If I enjoy your writing I don't think that you suddenly lost it; I'm not making a statement by skipping the fic, I just don't want to read it. My problem. This will never change. I'm sure you all have your own personal preferences and you just don't like certain types of fics. I'm sure there are people who hate the exact types of fics I write. And — I'm beginning to sound like I'm high — that's fine. It's all fine. Not liking or liking something is not a crime. It's not a lack of good taste and it’s not a demonstration of good taste. It's a demonstration of your taste. Don't be afraid to demonstrate it; whatever it is, it's not wrong and don't let anyone tell you that, but also, it's not righter and you shouldn't claim this, even if you're privately arrogant enough to believe it. (Yes, you can like bad characterizations, but don't go around randomly accusing authors of doing it. Especially not those you like. Why would you do that?)