The lovely people who saved you from excessive spamming

1.) The wonderful talented winter_june made this for me. For my unbirthday, or rather my dog's birthday! (Heh, I whined!) It's a banner for Intense Veela Encounters and Catching Birds. And it features an almost naked guy (NWS!) with BEAUTIFUL wings! And it's OMGSOHOT! And all the little details there! There's rain and then that scene where Harry lies down on top of Draco, and Draco hugs him and pets him and calls him George, and makes the evil (but sexy) wings go bye-bye. *melts* ♥

2.) lokifan was TOO sweet and wrote me two (TWO!) drabbles, a fluffy Spike/Connor drabble and a sweet Harry/Draco drabble! *hugs*

3.) leochi whom I couldn't adore more if I tried, drew THIS for me! It's my slipper-thief-of-a-dog! Just awwwww. That third panel? That's sooo him. With that backward glance that says, "I have her slipper! I have her slipper! Is she looking? OMG! I'm too smart for my fur!"

4.) OHEMGEE! softly_sweetly is just ... ROWR! This, this, this! It's something that will make me very happy every time I enter my flat. Read about Faith (ME!) walking in on Harry and Draco shagging on her sofa! And ENVY ME HARD! *giggles*

5.) Also, because alaana_fair put my username above the conclusion (you're kidding about that, right? There's more?) to her spectacularly fluffy and adorable orphanage series, I'm claming that one as mine too! MUAHAHAHAHAH! *is grabby*

So. Squeeeee!

Feeling better and almost playing foosball

Today, in the morning, I got up and stayed up for a bit. I had coffee on the veranda. And then I played some table football with my sister when she came by.

Okay, actually, I just hunched down and grabbed the handles and then sort of leaned on them, hanging on for dear life, thusly doing a fairly accurate impression of Quasimodo. I lost, of course, but the score was 10:2 because sis managed to slam two autogoals. Heh.

I've probably confused her when I started screaming, "Sanctuary! Sanctuary!" :D :D :D

Conclusive evidence that aliens want me to write Harry/Draco porn (This section is NC-17 rated)

Well, you see, it all started when awayfromlife reappeared on LJ the other day. The moment she did, my mind was inexplicably stuck in a crazy loop, continually chanting "JAM!JAM!JAM!" Which was odd. So I thought about this, with a dedication that can be summoned only after you had massive amounts of meds, and I remembered some other things related to this, something about silk scarves and dragons. Ha! And then the memories started flooding in. I have, in fact, written a sequel to the story Follow the Dragon. I remember awayfromlife had been distracted by the possible jam scene. (Draco had insinuated that he would like to lick jam off of Harry's naked body.) And someone else asked for it too. I don't remember who, but bryoneybrynn is probably a good guess. Apparently, I've written it and then I've forgotten about it.

So, I remembered where it was and I wish I could type it out and post it, but ... er... it's written in a super secret code (my illegible handwriting). I'll decipher it eventually. I hope.

But that's not the point. The point is that the story was written in my appointment planner. All over the month of March. I carry that thing around. People have access to it. *flails*

And to make things worse, I found this sentence written on a very official document.

Sentence rated NC-17

Harry licked the underside of Draco's cock with wet, long strokes, from the base to the head while raising his gaze to give Draco a wicked look.

*stares*

I mean, this is a totally generic BJ scene. But, for some reason, I HAD to write it down or OMG I would forget this brilliant flash of inspiration that will change the course of porn history. Yes, I had to write it. On a document. That should have ended up in the hands off my BOSS! But mercifully it didn't.

Considering I wrote all of that and I don't remember it, plus, these things are written down on very inappropriate objects, I now have two problems. And one of them is terrifying.

1.) Did aliens make me write Harry/Draco porn? (It's not a crazy theory. All aliens are gay. (Anal probing, anyone?)

2.) Just how many official reports, currently in the possession of my employer, contain random Harry/Draco porn written in the margin?

*quite honestly terrified*

Not to be mean — dangling jam!porn and then not delivering, here's the summary. I think the story went something like this: After a couple of weeks of dating Harry was all like: "How 'bout that jam?" and Draco was all like "I has jam!" (Except he's not a lolcat. Also, it's important to note that Draco most certainly waggled his eyebrows at this point.) Also, they still didn't have sex. For some reason. I resent this.

See? You didn't miss much.

And the rest of the story followed the following recipe (you are free to try this at home):

Harry/Draco Cake with Strawberry Jam (recipe; rated PG-13)

Ingredients

• 1 Harry (fully clothed, best to pick him while still at Hogwarts but mind the age of consent in your country)
• 1 Draco (fully clothed, best to pick him while still at Hogwarts but mind the age of consent in your country, also please try to obtain the snarky but fluffy version. This cake might not work with canon!Draco, but if that's all you got, try to mellow him down. Try paddling. Or you may ask Harry for suggestions. But he might also suggest paddling.)
• 1 jar of strawberry jam (it's essential that you have strawberry jam. Because.)
• a handful of words and phrases ("lick", "delectable", "sweet", "sticky", "smirk", "whimper", "curved his spine" and "Oh!" are a must)
• a bit of frotting

Topping

• a spoonful of fluff

Directions

1.) Take your Harry and place him on a not-too-soft but comfortable surface. Peel him. Shirt and tie only. Do not remove his trousers. This is not that kind of cake. (See: rating)

2.) Make sure you have the right kind of Harry. If he has no Quidditch-toned muscles and a tan, you may return him to the store and ask for a refund. If you prefer him without the said attributes, make sure you picked out a compatible Draco.

3.) Carefully smear jam over Harry's upper-body (you may use your Draco to do this for you, if you wish). Do not drool. You may take pictures, however.

4.) Make sure you covered all the sensitive spots. Don't forget the bellybutton!

5.) If you haven't already, you may unpack your Draco now, and peel him as well. (Still not that kind of cake. Leave the trousers on.)

6.) I said don't drool on the cake!

7.) Add "delectable", "lick", "sweet", "sticky", "whimper", "smirk" and other words of your choice, slowly. Remember to add punctuation as well. NOT randomly. Do this until all the jam is gone. If it takes too long, then and only then, you can proceed to peel Harry until naked. Please make sure you use the appropriate rating.

8.) Now carefully place your Draco on top of Harry (you may arrange them in a different order if you wish). Make sure that all corresponding parts ... er ... correspond. If Harry and Draco get glued to each other, it means you haven't completed step 7. Now it's too late to go back. Just add the word "sticky" again.

9.) Add frotting in the following manner: Grab Draco's hips, press down firmly, add the word "Oh!" and the phrase "curved his spine."

Stir.

10.) When the cake is nearly done (Oh, you'll know when) add more "Oh!"s. If you're out of "Oh!"s add "Ah!"s. If you're out of "Ah!"s add the phrase "They were surprisingly silent."

11.) In the end, add the topping. Don't overdo it.

Voila! H/D cake!

Also, if anyone has/knows of oneshoty porn or/and fluff — TELL ME, PLEASE!