Fandom: Harry Potter
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling and Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement intended.
Title: Dear Santa
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~1000
Status: Complete
Summary: Draco has a bone to pick with Santa.
Warnings: Letter format.
Note: Advent drabble #2. Written for coffeejunkii. Her prompt was — the christmas when nearly everything went wrong.

Also written for slythindor100's Special Holiday Challenge, which was a A boyfriend for Christmas (some wishes do come true).

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Dear Santa


Kris Kringle
Santa Claus
North Pole

Dear Santa,

I'm writing you to express both my annoyance and my gratitude. I must say I have been unimpressed by the way you conduct your business. I'm also troubled by your obvious existence. I have believed you were nothing more than a myth, and in such a case, have been willing to overlook your palpable inaptitude. However, now that I have clear evidence of your existence, I must point out a few things I find troubling.

I have written you before (admittedly in a slightly intoxicated state, but that's hardly relevant) and have enclosed my specific wish list. I'm saddened that most of my wishes have been cruelly overlooked.

My financial situation is such I can't afford to buy suitable gifts for all my acquaintances. I have had much hope that you, as the designated giver of gifts, would take care of at least a portion of my friends (the ones I'm not very fond of for example). This would have resolved my financial troubles and saved my time significantly. I would have forgiven you for this oversight, but at this point, I cannot. I find it doubtful that a person so keen to deliver presents to Muggles and Wizards alike, has no authority where owl post is concerned.

As you well know, the Wizarding Owl Office has suffered a complete collapse during the holidays. The gifts I have sent to my friends and the members of my family have not been delivered to them. Instead, both they and I have suffered through great humiliation. Owl delivery has been slow, erratic, and most importantly — erroneous. My mother has received a mouldy cake of dubious origin, my father a tasteless toy meant to be used in endeavours I'm certain he no longer peruses, and my friend, Pansy Parkinson, has received no present at all (and I'm almost positive I've sent her one).

I will not list other wretched mistakes the owl post has made, but suffice to say, the present giving ritual has been most stressful for the entire Wizarding World this year. However, I'll dare to theorise and say it has been excessively stressful for me. My friends are unfortunately sparse these days, and I do not wish to alienate them further.

My belief is that you could have prevented this. I am shocked no action has been taken on your part.

Furthermore, I have asked you for a promotion at work. Instead, I've been told I'll have to spent two whole months transcribing tedious and inconsequential reports as punishment for telling a senior Unspeakable to perform an anatomically impossible task by using his head and nether regions. This just proves how unfairly I'm treated at work. The Unspeakable in question is a rude man who complains constantly about my tardiness and claims I'm anti-social. He's persistently discriminating me because of my natural wit and an astounding talent for pointing out the obvious.

I am convinced that these matters are in your jurisdiction and therefore they should have been resolved in a rational and fair manner. My wish for this man to have a minor but sufficiently disabling accident has hardly been unreasonable.

I'm afraid I must hold you personally accountable for the many pains I have suffered this Christmas.

However, I am not a petty person, nor am I ungrateful. I am willing to give credit where credit is due.

Miserable and sad though I have been on Christmas Day, I've been more than pleasantly surprised upon discovering that at least one of my wishes has come true. I am surprised that you have chosen to fulfil this particular wish since of all my desires this one is perhaps the most irrational.

I've wanted to inform you that after entering my apartment, or more precisely, my bedroom, on Christmas Day, I have found my gift arranged upon my bed in complete accordance with my described specifications.

I confess that I've been worried you would find my description of that wish offensive and inappropriate, and I'm thrilled that has not been the case.

I have been delighted to find Harry Potter bound to my bed, nude and appropriately prepared for further enjoyable activities. The red bow has been placed as I have specified and my favourite strawberry jam has been smeared in all the correct places.

Additionally, and I must say this part has been unexpected, Harry Potter (who insists I call him Harry, silly thing) has expressed his desire to keep me occupied for an indefinite amount of time. He is surprisingly affectionate and has the propensity of staying in bed late, demanding inordinate amount of petting, attention, and cuddling. This is unfortunate as I am not overly fond of such things, but I am willing to endure this behaviour since it usually includes a spectacular finale.

I have not expected such a thoughtful gift, but it does not follow that the intention isn't appreciated immensely.

I would like to offer my apologies for thinking you are not a real being. Furthermore, I wish to express my vast admiration for your intuitiveness because in light of these events, I can safely conclude that the thorough fulfilment of this wish made my other troubles bearable.

To recapitulate, I am grateful for the job well done though hopeful you can do even better in the future (I freely admit this seems virtually impossible).

Yours sincerely,

Draco Malfoy






Charles Thomas
Owl Office
Hogsmeade


Dear Mr Thomas,

I wish to apologise for my previous harsh letter that I have written in a moment of anger. The majority of the Wizarding World is upset after the unfortunate holiday rush that has caused the huge owl delivery mix-up. I'm sure you can understand our unhappiness. I realise that your are lacking owls and funds, which is why I'm writing you this letter.

It just so happens that the faulty owl delivery has done more good than harm to me, and I wish to express my gratitude.

I have erroneously received a letter written by one Draco Malfoy to another individual. To my great surprise (and I do not wish to bore you, or alarm you with details) the end result of this mistake has made me happier than I can ever remember being in my entire life. As thanks (and in the spirit of Christmas) I would urge you to contact me so we can discuss possible investments in the Owl Office.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Best wishes,

Harry Potter

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Fin

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