May I say that I have complete love and adoration for your cake (and would love to eat it all day, every day). Recipe had me chuckling rather loudly all along.
You do know that the road from writing recipes to full blow alien induced slash is a very short one, don't you? ;) It's great to see the recovery is moving along well *snugs*

And I have a one-shot that fits all requirements that was bookmarked with you on my mind (hope you haven't read it before).
Enjoy! (http://asylums.insanejournal.com/hp_wankfest/7220.html)